How to help

Shashi Kant Jha, psychiatrist

A person suffering from depression has a better chance of recovering if he or she has a good social network. Relatives and friends are extremely important when a person is suffering from depression.

The sufferer is helpless in many ways. He or she therefore needs a lot of help and support. You are a very important brick in the person's life. A lot of responsibility will often rest on your shoulders, but do not despair because there are many ways in which you can help.

It is also very important that you remember that even though your relative or friend does not have the energy to be outgoing or sociable, your relationship will get back to the way it was.

Self-criticism

If the person is constantly criticising themselves, it can help to say things like "you are a good friend" or "you are a nice person". He or she will undoubtedly not believe what you are saying. Yet people who have suffered from depression often say later that it was still heart-warming and encouraging.

If you suspect that a relative or friend may be suffering from depression, then do ask about the symptoms of the depression. Many people see depression as a mental illness and believe that it leads to admission to a psychiatric ward. The term "mentally ill" can mean that the sufferer is subject to myths and prejudices. This may also be the reason why the person is afraid to reach out for help.

Help with visits to the doctor

If you suspect that the person is suffering from depression, we advise you to encourage or persuade him or her to see the doctor. They can contact their own doctor or the practising psychiatrist if they have already been in contact with a psychiatrist.

Ask the person whether they want you to go with them to the doctor, but remember that the person must of course agree to this. These discussions with the doctor where you also participate are very valuable, both for the sufferer and for the doctor or psychiatrist.

You can give the doctor important information. You can also help to revive the discussion when you and the person get home again. The sufferer will often have a tendency to misunderstand information. But when you have been with them to the discussion, you can correct the sufferer's misunderstandings.

You should however remember that if the condition of the sufferer is serious, you should immediately take him or her to the nearest psychiatric casualty department. This is particularly vital if he or she is having suicidal thoughts.

Emotional support

You can give emotional support first and foremost by being there, even when there is nothing that has to be said. The sufferer will often say when they have recovered that they felt comforted when relatives or friends were with them, reassuring them, listening and just being there for them.

Encouragement

The person will need all the encouragement you can give. The depression will cause him or her to be pessimistic and interpret everything negatively. If you continue to correct any negative thoughts gently, the person will gradually start to feel better.

Physical contact is also very important for the person, e.g. in the form of hugs, loving gestures or holding hands.

Practical help

Practical support is just as important as emotional support. The person will not have the energy to cope with practical everyday chores. You can give practical help in various ways. But before you start, it can be a good idea to talk to the person about your plans. Otherwise, he or she may feel "caught unawares" by your plans and ideas.

You could for example   help to clean, do the laundry, cook or do the shopping. You could also help to keep the person active, e.g. by going on walks together. If he or she is finding it difficult to find the energy to care for themselves, you could encourage him or her to have a bath or change their clothes.

Finally, you could help by remembering appointments with the doctor, psychiatrist and otherwise encouraging them to take their medicine regularly and continue the treatment recommended by the doctor.

When you leave him or her after spending some time together, you can also reassure them by telling then when you will come or call again. Just a quick telephone call can reassure the person that you really do care.